Thankful

I try to start each morning by reading my devotional, doing my daily Bible reading, writing in my prayer journal and REALLY praying hard,  and reading a few pages or a chapter of a spiritually uplifting book (this book changes depending on my needs at the moment-currently The Circle Maker). I will go ahead and admit that there are mornings (at least one) almost every week that I either a) ignore my alarm clock or b)sleep right through my alarm clock and my quiet time gets skipped.  It's always  amazing to me though that the scripture and devotional is always something that is applicable to my life at that very moment. The mornings that I miss my quiet time usually go much less smooth and I just don't have as joyful of a heart on those days. Yesterday I was really missing Evan more than typical. I just had him on my mind and thought more frequently throughout the day that I wished he was here and that things were different. I was also a little frustrated that it was pouring rain on Brent's only day off this week. (He's picking peanuts every night well into the evening and I've been alone with my thoughts-and Duke and Daisy A LOT) In addition to that I feel overwhelmed with all the work at school and sometimes frustrated with school. Not with my kids-just other things that I'm not going to go into. If you're a teacher you GET what I'm saying. I just was feeling a little funky and not as thankful as I should. 

Well, this morning God had plans to get my mind out of that way of thinking. My devotional was from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. (If you haven't read this you need to get a copy ASAP!) 

Here's my devotional from this morning: 

The scripture from 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is one of the verses I had written on a sticky note and stuck to a door frame or a light switch or something while I was pregnant with Evan. It reminded me today to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for your life in Christ Jesus."  As I reflected on that throughout the day I thought of a TON of things that I am thankful for. I decided I would list them:

 I'm thankful for.....

1. My wonderful husband who sticks by my side and backs me up. We've worked so hard to become the couple we are today. Over the past year our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds. Unfortunately it was through a very devastating lost but at the end of the day I am so very thankful for this. My mom once shared with my something that her friend shared with her- One day your children will grow up and leave your house. Always put your relationship with your husband first (after your relationship with God of course). Throughout our journey with Evan that was sometimes SOOO very hard. But we always talked about everything that was going on. There were hiccups of course but we 

are now much stronger than we were last October and MUCH better prepared to be parents!

2. The beautiful weather. It was so nice out today. I am really looking forward to opening the windows in the house and feeling that fall breeze. After the rain all day yesterday I couldn't be more thrilled!

3. My job and the students I GET to teach. I am so thankful that I have a good job in this economy. AND that it is something that I love to do. 

4. Everything that has brought me to where I am today. God's plan is so much bigger than I can even fathom. I KNOW that He has great plans for my life. I'm more equipped today to deal with those things than I ever was before-no matter whether they're good or bad. I know I still have a lot of learning and growing to do but I'm very thankful that I've grown as I have. Most importantly I've learned how to truly exercise my faith in God!

5. The overwhelming supportive friends and family that I'm surrounded by. I cannot express enough thanks to all the people in our lives that have been so supportive. Especially those that still check up on us and say "Hey..I know _________ must have been tough for you...are you doing ok??" Those texts, cards, FB messages, and calls mean more than anyone could every know! 

6. Awesome medical teams! My medical team here in Pensacola was and is AMAZING!! God truly placed me in the best hands possible. I never knew how compassionate doctors really could be until I met the doctors that cared for me throughout my pregnancy and that continue to care for me! The doctors and nurses at Children's of Alabama are also phenomenal. I am so glad that Evan was transferred there. The love for our baby was so obvious. I am so thankful that God placed those special people in our lives. 

7. That God gave his only son for ME-and you :) ! There are not enough words that can express how thankful I am for this!

I could go on and on and on. Blessings are everywhere and I am so unworthy! 

I hope everyone takes a moment to be thankful for all that is in their life. I know typically we reflect on what we are thankful for in November and around Thanksgiving but shouldn't we be thankful and give thanks EVERY SINGLE DAY?!?

Evan's headstone should be set one day this week. They still haven't called to confirm the exact date and time. This is going to be a difficult event for me and Brent so please take a moment to have a special little prayer that God will give us strength. I remind myself and others all the time that Evan's in heaven...but the headstone is just one of those events that hits home and reminds us how much we miss our sweet baby.  

Have a blessed week! 

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Blessings

     This past week and a half has been full of blessings. First of all I've had two awesome weeks with my kids at school. I have a wonderful class and I am really just enjoying this school year so much! Last Tuesday night I had my first Origami Owl jewelry bar {party} at my cousin Andrea's. She had a great turnout and it was a lot of fun! I love being at home in the evenings and relaxing but it was also really nice to get out and meet new people! My sister in law hosted a jewelry bar on Thursday that also went very smoothly. I am just really enjoying the Origami Owl jewelry business-even more than I knew I would. Another answered prayer...
      Last week Brent and I went to the doctor and we both felt that it couldn't have went any better. We felt like we got good news from the doctor with good directions about where we need to head from here. It was just an answered prayer. I was a little anxious about the appointment and had really been praying that God make things very clear for us. That's as much detail as I am going to go into at this point. Please just continue to pray for God to bless us with a healthy baby-whenever the time is right.
    This past weekend we celebrated both of our nieces first birthdays. It was a birthday party filled weekend. On Sunday evening I was thinking about how blessed we are to have so many wonderful people in our lives. God has truly blessed us in so many ways. Even though Evan isn't here with us, we are surrounded by blessings and I realize each day how much bigger God's plan is than any plan I could have made. Evan is safe and sound and doing just fine. When we miss him, we just remind ourselves of that. He'll be waiting on us in Heaven and we can celebrate with him for eternity!
   My daddy is having surgery tomorrow morning so please keep him in your prayers.
Brent has been getting home late each night after picking peanuts (another blessing) so I am off to spend the rest of the night with him! Thank you for all the continued support and prayers!!!

Memories of Sweet Evan

I've been meaning for the past couple of months to write a post that features some memories of Evan and treasures that help us remember Evan (AS IF we could possibly forget...but you get my drift). Many friends have given us items that have been handmade or ordered in memory of our sweet Evan. For a while I didn't have the strength to really look at, much less share, these items. As our journey continues, and I become stronger, I am now ready to share some of those things and explain what each of them mean to us. I haven't found a place in our home for each and every thing yet but they are all in the nursery waiting for just the right place to put them.

First up.... our sweet Evan bear. After Evan passed away my friend Deanna kept asking me for one of his blankets, some outfits, maybe some socks and anything else I thought I might could part with. She assured me that I would get it back but that it needed be something that was special and that Evan actually wore or used. I finally gave her a few things not knowing what in the world was going to be done with these items. A few weeks later at bunco my friend Tracey handed me a bag and said "You don't have to open it now but this is for you." I didn't open it immediately but when dropping my mom off to her car I told her I wanted to open it before she got out. When I did this is what I found.

As you can see each section of the bear is made of a different fabric. The main body and part of the face of the bear is made with the fabric of two of the gowns that Evan wore A LOT! The arms and legs and the rest of the face are from a blanket that he was swaddled in very frequently. The ears are from mittens that he wore (to keep his little hands away from that tube). The elephant was from the blanket also. I love being able to cuddle this bear and remember my sweet Evan and reflect on the days that he spent in the gowns and blankets that this bear was made from. What a special memory. I can't thank Tracey enough....what a sweet thoughtful gift made in memory of Evan!

Gifts from Kim

Two of these signs were hand drawn/hand written by my friend Kim. The chalkboard one was at his baby shower at school. I just love seeing his full name and that scripture... Numbers 6:24 The Lord bless thee and keep thee. Kim made the comment once that after Evan's baby shower she had this at her house and every time she would see it she would say a prayer for our Evan. So this is VERY special to us. We also displayed it at the funeral along with the hand painted canvas with the cross. Around the edges Kim wrote the poem that we found around the time Evan passed away. I read it at his funeral and here it is again:

Daddy please don't look so sad, mommy please don't cry,

cause I am in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies.

Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.

Don't think he sent me to you and then he changed his mind.

You see I am a special child and I am needed up above.

I am a special gift you gave him, the product of your love.

I will always be there with you, just watch the sky at night,

find the brightest star that's gleaming and my that's halos bright light.

You will see me in the morning frost, that mists your window pane.

That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.

When you feel a little breeze from the gentle wind that blows,

that's me, I'll be there, planting a kiss upon your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a little tug,

that's me, I'll be there, to give your heart a hug.

So daddy please don't look so sad. Mommy please don't cry,

I am in arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.♥

 There is comfort in these words as it helps me imagine a picture of Evan in the arms of Jesus being sung lullabies. Is there a better place to be than in heaven in the arms of Jesus? Could I want anything more for my child?? No way! That's not saying it's easy for him to be there rather than here in my arms singing him lullabies myself BUT he's far better off in heaven with Jesus than he would here on Earth with me. 

You also can see the ultrasound that Kim had made into the big picture. This was one of the few ultrasounds where Evan didn't have fluid in his belly and it looks like a "normal" ultrasound of his body. Rather than just his sweet face. I have this ultrasound picture on my refrigerator also. It reminds me that God allowed the doctors to heal Evan enough for us to get to experience precious moments with him outside of the womb. Without those interventions we possibly may not have been able to hold him in our arms and kiss his sweet face. And to have him grab our fingers and look into our eyes. All those things that parents dream about. God placed the doctors in our life that he worked through to give us that time with our sweet baby. It's hard to explain why this ultrasound picture is more special to me...but it was such a gift to see him this way!  

Out to the side of these is a cross that was purchased to hang in the nursery. I never got around to hanging it (as I ended up in the hospital before it was done) but Kim took the cross and put that little "e" there along with a burlap bow. It's a sweet reminder of Evan. 

On one of the walls in our hallway I'd like to make a collage of crosses. I plan to hang this cross there eventually. As for the other things you see in that picture, I'd like to hang them on a wall in the nursery when we are hopefully preparing it one day for another blessing from God. For now they are in the nursery and each time I see them, I smile. Usually I have tears in my eyes but I smile because it flashes a lot of memories of Evan through my mind and reminds me, once again, that he's better than fine-in heaven and in the arms of Jesus listening to lullabies. 

Last one for the day....  

While Evan was in the hospital Brent and I took hundreds of pictures. Usually we were taking pictures with our phones and sending them to grandparents, friends and other family. So many people wanted updates on him and we always wanted to show off his sweet face. Once a week or so I would break out my actual camera and take pictures of Evan. When he passed away my friend Deanna took my card from my camera and got some pictures printed off for us to display at the funeral. After all, it was a celebration of his life here on Earth and we wanted there to be happy tears also! When she brought the pictures to me she had made this canvas made. I love this picture because he is looking so intently at me. Probably thinking "Mama, what in the world are you doing in my face with that thing?" His hair is so fluffy in this picture and I just love looking at it. Again, this picture will be displayed in the nursery hopefully one day. Isn't he just the most beautiful baby ever? :) 

We did go to the doctor this past Monday. Things went well.  We will be going to genetic counseling in the next week.  More news on that next week. Prayers for a positive appointment!! It's all in God's hands and we know his plans are so great! Our daily prayer is for God to make his will clear for that particular area of our life. We know his plans are great and we want to follow his will! I know that these doctor appointments are going to reveal his will to us!  We are remembering ....

I am so thankful for this life that God chosen for me! It's never been easy but He never said it would be! So glad that I have Him to carry me through the hard times and help to grow me into the person that I'm supposed to be. Last Saturday night I spoke at the Celebration for Women at Cora Baptist Church. We had a full fellowship hall and I feel so blessed to be able to share my story! Many people came up to me afterwards and thanked me for sharing my story. I am so thankful that God has shown me a way to use Evan's story to work for His good!

Last but not least.... Happy 29th birthday to my wonderful husband!! So glad that God made you just for me. He knew what I needed long before I did!!

Prayers for a blessed weekend for everyone. Being thankful for the rain! :) 

Getting Away, Drs Appts, and the busyness of fall...

Brent and I have been holding up pretty well for the past two weeks or so. It helped TREMENDOUSLY when we went out of town last weekend to Atlanta for a little mini vacation. We only went  because he had a Dr. appointment on Monday morning in Birmingham and we figured if we were going to be going to stay in a hotel we may as well extend our weekend and get some enjoyment out of it. I rushed out of school Friday afternoon as fast as I possibly could (after preparing for my sub..and not too early of course..a teacher's job is never done). I came home to finish up packing and we hit the road about 3:30. Which was only about an hour later than we had originally planned. We were just enjoying one another's company and as we were about to go through Auburn we saw a big rainbow. It seemed to pop up out of nowhere.

God knows just when to remind us of his promises. The reminder couldn't have come at a better time. We took pictures and talked about how Evan was sitting in the lap of Jesus and told him to remind his mommy and daddy that everything up in Heaven was GREAT! It was good for our souls to see this. In the past few weeks, and mostly weekends, I had really struggled and had been more sad. I cannot even explain how good it was for my soul to spend a weekend not being sad the whole time. I am looking forward to many more weekends like this (not as sad...not out of town).
 Friday night when we arrived in Atlanta we took a wrong exit and (small town folk that we are) felt frightened when we weren't in the best part of town. But we made our way to our hotel, got checked in and unpacked. Then we went and enjoyed a nice quiet dinner at a little grill around the corner from our hotel. I then enjoyed going to bed with no responsibilities awaiting me the next morning. Saturday morning we ventured out to Six Flags. Where I realized I am no longer 19 and able to ride roller coasters all day long without feeling like I've fallen down a tree and hit every branch on the way down. We only lasted there about 1/2 the day. It was decided we should go back to the hotel and nap or relax. ANYTHING but be at Six Flags. So that's what we did...took a nap and relaxed. On Saturday night we ventured over to The Cheesecake Factory. The food and atmosphere was wonderful. I then insisted we go to Barnes and Noble because I love to read and have to visit bookstores in other towns. For whatever reason I think they are going to be different...they're not. But I enjoy it nonetheless. My mama had been talking about this book The Circle Maker. I felt that this was the exact moment I should buy this book. So we did and unfortunately I haven't had the opportunity to really get into it. I am looking forward to a little free time this weekend to start checking it out a little more. My mama has raved about it. The gist of it is praying circles around your biggest dreams and greatest fears. Brent and I will soon be venturing down the road, with God leading the way, of having another baby and I just feel led to read this book to help me go down this path. I think it will be a great book to read regardless of where you are in life. Don't we all have BIG dreams and GREAT fears? There I go chasing a rabbit...back to our weekend...
Sunday we went to the Georgia Aquarium and World of Coke. Both were fun. We enjoyed the Dolphin Tales show at the aquarium and the tasting room at the World of Coke. It was then time to head to Birmingham.
Let me just tell y'all... When we went to Birmingham in July it was the first time we had been there since Evan had left my arms to be in the arms of Jesus. Seeing the Children's of Alabama building from the interestate was sooo hard that day. And I just have to say that it hasn't gotten any easier. Sunday as the hospital came into view (and you have to know that it's this big, shiny building that you can't miss and for me being big and shiny represented a lot of hope back in March), tears immediately filled my eyes. I looked at Brent and said "I think seeing Children's from this view or maybe any view, will always make me cry." I think it's because that's the place where Evan was alive, in my arms, and looking at me. It just holds SO many memories. On Sunday evening we just walked around the mall for a little while then had dinner and went back to our hotel.
Monday we headed over to UAB and went to Brent's appointment. It was fairly short and sweet. Keep doing what your doing..tweak this, check that...come back in four months. We always feel a little better after he gets a check up and we are reassured that we are doing the right thing!
It was back to reality on Tuesday. This week has been a blur. We are going to be super busy this weekend. Or I am at least.  Tomorrow night is Jay's Homecoming so I will be going to the game. (along with Brent) and then Saturday DAY my friend Megan's little girl has homecoming for the little football team she cheers. Saturday night I am speaking at Cora Baptist Church at 6 pm. I am looking forward to sharing my testimony again. Each time I feel a little stronger and look forward to it a little more. I definitely think it helps with my healing! Sunday we have church and I plan to just RELAX. And probably go get my classroom ready because I have a sub on Monday (boo) because I have a workshop (double boo)!
Please keep us in your prayers as Monday afternoon we will be going to the Dr.  to talk about what growing our family will look like for us. I know that it's all in God's hands but we have to be practical and prepare as much as possible. That's why God made people like our doctor...to help us! He works through them. We need prayer for guidance and CLEAR direction about what God's will for our family is in this particular area. Thank you in advance for all prayers.
I'd also like to ask for prayer for an unspoken for myself and something I've been struggling with for the past week or so. Prayer for clear answers about God's will for mine and Brent's family will cover this! :) Last, but certainly not least I'd like to ask for prayers for the Morris family. They're going through some tough times and could use all the prayers that can be sent up!
Thought for the week.....

Ready for a long weekend

Wow. The past few weeks have absolutely flown by. We've been so busy. I planned to spend the weekend resting up and preparing for the week ahead. I ended up dealing with someone buying my Explorer yesterday morning and then today spent the entire afternoon cleaning the house. And I broke out the fall decorations. I feel so much better with everything cleaned up. Huge kudos to my wonderful husband for helping get the house clean. He's definitely on board with helping out since we both work. full time jobs.
Brent has an endocrinologist appointment next Monday in Birmingham so we've decided to go to Atlanta on Friday afternoon and have a little getaway. We talked about going this weekend but decided it would make more sense to do it next weekend when we will be driving up to Birmingham anyway. We are both really looking forward to a little getaway. Life has been so busy during the week that our grief (or mine at least) kind of catches up with me during the weekend. It seems that my weekends, lately anyways, have just been kind of depressing. I think it's because in my mind I think about how I wish Evan were here with me (and healthy) doing whatever we are doing each weekend. He wouldn't be with me at work so it's not as painful when I am at work. I told Brent today that I feel like during the weekends I am constantly on the verge of tears. I need prayers for strength to get over this hump. I'm just struggling right now for some reason. I completely trust that the Lord has bigger plans for me but my heart aches for my sweet baby boy. Hopefully being gone next weekend will be a good little vacation for us and will give us a little healing. Yesterday was particularly hard after I ran to town to buy a few groceries and ended up seeing this at Winn Dixie....

It was odd because I very rarely go to Winn Dixie. It was the exact Mickey Mouse toy that Brent and I bought Evan while we were out and about in Birmingham one day. He absolutely loved it and would spend many hours staring at it. Oh how I miss those days of watching him watch that Mickey Mouse. We buried the Mickey Mouse with  him because it was one of the only things I felt he showed that he really liked. Mickey Mouse is just very meaningful to us now. I know Evan is much better off now. He's with Jesus and in no pain. My head knows it but it doesn't take that hurt in my heart away. When I ran across this toy in Winn Dixie I immediately sent Brent a picture of it. We talked about how it makes us sad :( but how we know Evan is better. The rest of my afternoon was just kind of sad and my sadness continued into today. Please just pray for me to have a little less sadness in the days to come. And Brent also...he doesn't show it as openly as me always but I know he has just as much sadness as I do. Even though we pray that God will bless us with another sweet little baby one day...we are still just adjusting to life without the sweet baby that we thought we would be enjoying here on Earth. God sends me these little reminders of Evan through different things (Mickey, rainbows, etc) and I like to think it's to remind me that my baby is doing GREAT in Heaven.

I hung this picture right beside my prayer area because every day I need a reminder that I cannot get through this alone.....

This is one of the scriptures that Dr. Thorp would remind me of when we would pray for Evan. And I know that this is true. Some days are just a little tougher and I am doing all I can to trust in God and put one foot in front of the other.

I began selling Origami Owl (you can visit my site here). I decided to become an Independent Designer for many different reasons but one of the reasons was because I liked the idea of being able to design jewelry to reflect my personality and life. I stumbled across a picture of this locket the other day and I thought something like this would be so fitting for my future. We are keeping in mind that through this storm there will be a rainbow.

Before we have try to get pregnant and have another baby we are going to have pre-conception counseling. We will be going to the dr in the near future to start discussing what this journey will look like for us. We aren't ready to take that journey yet but we want to know what the road will be like. Well, just have somewhat of an idea. Please pray for us to follow God's will in this particular area of our life. It's a very scary path for us to think about traveling down. We pray every day for us to see God's will for growing our family CLEARLY.

I am off to bed..it's a late night for me. We are going to town tomorrow to run a few errands and then our week will begin. Have a blessed week!

What a busy two weeks

Oh my goodness....I have been so slammed the past two weeks. I forget how hectic the beginning of the school year is! This is the first time in five years that I've moved classrooms and I really had forgotten how overwhelming that can be! Everything got done though and I've really enjoyed the first week of school with my students!

There are a couple pictures of my classroom from the first day of school. I am adding instructional materials nearly every day but let me tell you A LOT of work was put into what you see! :) Tons of organizing took place over the summer while moving but it's SO worth it! 

I also celebrated my 27th birthday last Monday-the first day of school. One of my students brought cupcakes for the class to have in honor of my birthday! I felt so loved! I have a really special group of students this year and we are going to have a FABULOUS year. I have prayed over this school year so much and I know that God has special things in store for my students and me this year. 

Over the past week I also became an Independent Designer with Origami Owl. You can visit my page here to check out this awesome product. You can also go like my Origami Owl page on Facebook. I am very excited to have something to spend some of my extra time on AND make a little extra money. While I was in Birmingham with Evan my mom shared an Origami Owl book with me and I fell in love with the product and knew immediately I HAD to sell it! I had to be put on a waiting list though (because the product has become SOOO popular) and finally got my "invivtation" last week. I accepted immediately and have already began booking jewelry bars for people. I have a locket myself that represents what I'm all about. It has some baby boy footprints {Evan}, infinity sign {Evan and Brent-love}, cross {my heart belongs to the one who died on the cross for all of us}, and a plate that says faith {which grows everyday!}. I love wearing my locket because it allows me to express myself! You should definitely check it out. 

Friday {August 23} marked when Evan would have been 23 weeks old. It was a tough day but God carried me through. Saturday was also tough as I attended a friend's birthday party. As I was heading to the birthday party I was so sad. I realized it was because I wished I wasn't driving there alone but had my sweet baby boy in the backseat. Even knowing he is in a much better place, there are times I just can't help the tears that come to my eyes. 

I am looking forward to an awesome week with my students. I hope to blog more regularly and not get so behind. It's just easy for that to happen with all that the new school year brings. Tomorrow night is Open House. Please say a little prayer that I (and all the other teachers) can welcome the parents into our classrooms and share the love we have for their children. Also that our words can adequately explain what the school year expectations are! 

Love in Christ and have a blessed week

Keeping baby Hadlee and other happenings

The past couple weeks have kept us pretty busy. I wanted to share about my experience keeping baby Hadlee last Friday. My best friend Megan asked if I would be willing to keep him for a day for her and I was so excited to get to spend a day with him. Who doesn't want to sit around and hold a sweet baby all day?!? There was a tiny (teeny tiny actually) part of me that was a little nervous that it was going to be tough. But I feel like I am doing pretty well separating other babies from my grief over Evan. This isn't the case ALL the time and definitely not the case for babies that are right around the age Evan would be but it's true for the post part. I spent basically the whole day holding him. It was so nice and I enjoyed myself so much. It would be terribly easy to spoil a baby to being held all the time. If I put him down and he made even the slightest whimper that was reason enough for me to pick him back up. I think that this was an integral part of healing. Taking care of other babies is still a little tough for me. I can't help but have the thought in the back of my mind "I should be taking care of/feeding/changing Evan." But I can still appreciate the sweetness of other babies. Sometimes it is more difficult than others BUT I LOVED my day with Hadlee and can't wait until I get to keep him again.
I mean look at this sweet face...my view basically all day :)

Although since I go back to work tomorrow that will probably be a while :( Speaking of going back to work...I cannot believe that the school year starts tomorrow for teachers. I am both excited and not. I spent one of my days this past week preparing meals for the freezer. I posted a picture of my meals on FB because I was so excited about all of my meals and had quite a few requests for the recipes. I typed them up in a word document. Send your email here and I will be happy to send the file your way. Fall and winter is such a busy time and I am really looking forward to having some meals on hand to just pull out and throw in the crock pot! It took me about 2 1/2 hours (I was putting some other meat away and doing other things around the kitchen during this time) to get about 10 meals ready. I didn't think that was too shabby!
Brent and I have been trying to savor one another's company this weekend. With school starting back for me on Monday I know that life is about to get crazy hectic and we will spend less time together. We spent Friday at the beach with my mom, sister and my cousin Andrea and her two adorable kids. Then Saturday we just hung out around the house in the morning and then went to a birthday party that afternoon. We watched the movie Mud while eating supper on Saturday night and went to bed much later than we should have. Which leads me to Sunday when I slept through my alarm clock and we missed church :(  I sweet-talked him into cleaning the house with me on Sunday afternoon and we are planning to go to bed super early tonight. I am so off schedule and I know I will hate myself if I keep the hours I've been keeping this summer. They resemble the hours of an owl and that will not go well with being at school. I cannot wait to share pictures of my classroom when I finish it up this week. On Friday I will get to meet the sweet faces of the children that will be "my children" this year. Then next Monday the school year will begin. I pray that I can be the best teacher possible and that His love shines through me! Please pray for all teachers as they start back in Santa Rosa and Escambia tomorrow. I read this blog today when someone shared it on FB. It was very well written and really explained well what a teacher does. Besides work 7-3 and have ALL summer OFF. (As many people think...It's very well worth reading and checking on.

The beach was beautiful on Friday. We had such a great time relaxing and playing with the kids. We dug a huge hole with a tunnel with them.  I was reminded how great of an exfoliant sand is. My knees are still a little raw. 

Saturday afternoon at Oops Alley for Madilyne's birthday party. I cannot believe this little girl is already six!

I like to keep little devotional books sitting around my house in various places. When I just have 5-10 minutes free I can sit down and quickly read a little passage and it just uplifts me!  My friend Deanna gave me Jesus Today by Sarah Young while Evan was in the hospital.  One of the mini-devotionals from that book that I read today featured Luke 11:10 "For everyone who asks and keeps on asking receives; and he who seeks and keeps on seeking finds; and to him who knocks and keeps on knocking, the door shall be opened."  I found this so appropriate for the time Brent and I are at in our lives. We know that we want to try to have another baby in the somewhat near future but we are still very nervous about doing so. There will have to be some testing performed before we go down that road again. Without going into details we just want to make sure we are as well prepared and informed before we begin trying for another baby. Our sweet Evan will NEVER be replaced but the rainbows we see almost every day remind us that there is hope beyond this storm we are in the midst of right now. Please pray for us to allow God to lead us in the direction that is His will in this area of our life. That is something we are praying about on a daily basis.

My friend Deanna is with her family at the Wahoos game tonight. She just sent me this picture of a rainbow. Even as I am talking about rainbows and their hope and promise I am reminded yet again....
So beautiful.

I better start preparing for the week ahead. Early to bed tonight I hope!  :) 

Rainbows all around...

First of all I want to say THANK YOU to all my friends and family that came to see me give my testimony at Pine Level a couple weeks ago. I feel like that experience was such a blessing to me. I hope that it was also a blessing to those who heard me. They recorded it (yikes..don't want to see myself on camera) and are supposed to give me a DVD of it. I may/may not share it when I receive 

that :) 

The new school year is right around the corner and I cannot believe that summer is OVER :(  It's bittersweet because I keep thinking to myself "I should be getting ready to take Evan to daycare for the first time." I know he is way better hands than he would be if he were here but it's still a tough step. 

Teachers go back next Monday. I really am looking forward to returning to work because days that I stay busy are SO MUCH easier than days that I don't have much to do. Although lately I've had a lot to do because I've been running around trying to complete all the things that I've put off all summer. I am moving into a new classroom (PRAISE THE LORD) and so that has consumed a ton of my time lately. There are also a lot of birthdays in our family/friends in August and September and October so I've been working on some projects (and/or ordering presents) for those people. I know once school starts back I just won't have the time. I've also been trying to finish up some things around the house that I want complete. Here are some things I've been working on at the house.....

The sign with our pictures is self explanatory if you read our last post. I just finally got the picture with Brent kissing Evan printed and finally framed and hung up. Then on the top right is a sign I made with my Cameo Silhouette to cover a small boo-boo that our bedroom door had. I also love seeing that every time I enter the room that I share with my husband. Finally the picture on the bottom right is a sign/chalkboard that I ordered from Etsy. Since November I have been putting scripture on sticky notes and strategically placing them around the house. These are usually uplifting verses that I stumble upon during my devotion each morning. I really want to focus on memorizing and knowing more scripture by heart. So that when I am having a sad, or happy time (or anytime really) I can immediately think of God's word. I love reading my Bible but there's just something so special about knowing His word by heart. One day I hope that my children can memorize a verse each week and always have God's word in their heart! 

This is my new area for devotion and Bible reading and just reading and relaxing in general. I love this chair but needed an ottoman because it just wasn't comfortable without one. Also, I wanted a lamp and side table. A couple weeks ago I went thrift shopping to find these few things. I was so happy when I stumbled upon 2 of the 3 things at Alyssa's and got a great deal. I wanted to make this a useful area for me-but without breaking the bank! I have really enjoyed sitting there and looking through the front window and drinking coffee and reading God's word. It's been very healing! This is the closest I can get to a front porch for now. I'll take it...at least it's air conditioned :)

Other things I've been working on are new things for my classroom. I've been so excited to get moved to a classroom in the newer part of our school! My theme for my classroom this year is going to be rainbows. Of course this is because when I look at a rainbow it reminds me of my sweet Evan. There was the most beautiful rainbow the day of his funeral and this summer has brought soooo many. It seems like more rainbows have appeared than normal but it could definitely be that I'm more attuned to them than I was in the past. I don't have pictures of my classroom ready to post yet but I did make a rainbow sign for my office door. 

I can't wait to be surrounded by rainbows in my classroom and constantly have a positive reminder of sweet Evan!! (Even though I think about him ALL the time!) Rainbows symbolize hope and promise and I think that is such a fitting theme for a classroom. I can't wait to start this new school year with my new students. (Even though I am a little sad to see my freedom end for now.)

The other evening Brent was outside doing something and he came in and hollered for me to come outside and see...this is what I walked out to. 

It was such a beautiful rainbow that began in a field directly across from our house. These are the little things that give us hope on a daily basis. It seems that they appear just when we are needing a reminder that through the storm there will come a beauty of a rainbow-hopefully in the form of a healthy baby for us to love!  I ran across this saying the other day on Pinterest and it really clicked with me that day. I will write another post on rainbow babies another day but I am going to leave with this little saying. (For me it isn't just rainbow baby/babies but rainbows in general.) I thought it so fitting..which is probably why it was on Pinterest in the first place. I'm sure it's fitting for so many people! 

Love and Blessings!

8 Weeks

Today marks 8 weeks since Evan has went on to be with Jesus in Heaven. Part of me rejoices-for I know he is much bette off than we are. But a very selfish part of me is so sad today and my arms are longing for my sweet baby. I've not expressed very much how difficult it can be sometimes. Although I know that it really goes without saying. The past 8 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. As I am sure that it will continue to be. Please continue to be in prayer for me and Brent as we continue to mourn for our sweet baby yet rejoice about where he now is! This wound will never be healed but the pain is eased with time.

Sometimes my emotions will come out of nowhere-one second I'll be fine and the very next I will be in tears. There are reminders of Evan nearly everywhere I turn. About a month ago Brent and I were shopping in Old Navy and he pointed to a shirt and said "Look, it's Mickey Mouse." I then broke down-right there in Old Navy. Talk about losing it. Mickey Mouse was the only cartoon that Evan watched. Brent and I had bought Evan a Mickey Mouse toy and now I automatically think of Evan when I see, hear etc ANYTHING about Mickey Mouse. For now it's still upsetting but I am sure that one day I will look upon Mickey Mouse fondly and remember that it was something that made Evan happy and that will make me happy. For now I think "Evan should be here still watching Mickey Mouse." In the next minute my mind reminds me that Evan is in a much better place and is so much better off than he would be if he were here watching Mickey Mouse. It's especially difficult when I see other babies that are the age that Evan would be. I look at them and long to hold my baby. This summer  I have spent a lot of time out and about will see a mother holding her baby or pushing a stroller and I automatically think... "I should have Evan here. I should be pushing his stroller or home with him" This time last year we were so excited about trying to get pregnant and start our family. I thought this summer would be spent with my newborn yet it hasn't been. That's been difficult to swallow. Yet again in my head I know he's much better, my heart just hurts.

 I've also  found myself being so much more sensitive to comments that people make. I know that sometimes people will make comments that they do not mean anything by but I will think to myself "Why in the world would you say that??" I've been pretty good about not getting too defensive but it's definitely been something I've struggled with and need prayer to continue to deal with. I want to remind everyone to be so thankful for everything that God has given them. If you take a minute to look around you can probably find 10 things that you are blessed with. Take a moment and be thankful for those things rather than focusing on all the negative in your life. Remind yourself not to take the blessings for granted! Your life could change in a split second and the things you are complaining about now will seem so inconsequential.

Ok, enough about that. Last week I spent a day on a photo collage wall in mine and Brent's bedroom. I wanted something to look at everyday and remind us how blessed we are to have found one another and be spending our lives together. This is what it ended up looking like. 

I thought it was absolutely wonderful but of course I spent a lot of time on it so I am a little biased! The sign at the top is Romans 8:28. Amy Holt shared this verse with me when she shared her journey through an experience similar to ours. I have frequently went back to this verse since she shared it with me. When I stumbled upon the sign at Hobby Lobby (same day as the It is well with my soul one...) I just knew it fit our photo collage wall and needed to hang in our room. This wall has served as a visual reminder of how blessed our life has been. At the end of the day Brent and I still have one another and one glorious day we will get to hold Evan in our arms again. We will spend eternity with him and most importantly with Jesus! I long for that day. Until then we will continue to live our lives and give all the Glory to God! For without Him we would not be here today! 

Please say extra prayers for me as I will share our testimony on Sunday at Pine Level Baptist Church. Everyone have a blessed weekend and count your blessings-name them one by one. Count your blessings and look what God has done!

It is well with my soul

       I cannot believe that school starts back for teachers in about three weeks! Time is flying so quickly. This summer I have really worked to keep myself busy each and every day. Even if it means just going to Wal Mart at some point during the day. Early on in the summer I found that staying home all day by myself was not going to bode well for my sanity and state of mind. So it seems that every day I have went SOMEWHERE. But yesterday I was ready to stay home and work on some different things around the house that I hadn't been able to get around to yet. These were things I was determined to complete before the return of school so I had to get busy because time was ticking!

This was one of the first projects I worked on . I went to Hobby Lobby the other day to pick up some things for a photo collage wall I was wanting to work on in our bedroom and came across the sign. It was 50% off and was the exact colors that our bedroom is decorated in. I just had to have it because it said "It is well with my soul." I chose that hymn to sing at Evan's funeral. It was kind of strange because that isn't a hymn that I have grown up singing on a regular basis. I honestly don't remember ever singing it in church or at a funeral ever actually. When I was picking out songs for the funeral I knew I wanted to end on a joyous note and hymn because I didn't want everyone to be sad that Evan wasn't with us but be able to reflect upon him being with Jesus in Heaven and happy that he was doing much better than we were. "When We All Get to Heaven" just seemed so appropriate and it is one of my absolute favorite hymns. That choice was very easy. I jus wasn't sure about an opening hymn though. While I was trying to find something I was on YouTube watching this video of Brad Paisley singing "When We All Get to Heaven." It's one of my favorite versions of the hymn. 

      I was reflecting on how I shouldn't be sooooo sad that Evan was in heaven and that I'd be there one day and for a multitude of reasons that it was going to be such a joyous day! Over on the sidebar I saw a link for "It Is Well With My Soul" being sung by Chris Rice. On a whim I clicked on the video and watched it. The song was more appropriate than I could have ever imagined it was going to be and I knew immediately that was the opening hymn! I showed Brent that morning and we cried but agreed it was just right for Evan's send off to Heaven!! A week or so later my Aunt Becky sent me the following link for a video of the hymn with the story about how, why and when it was written. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8_EfDqF7YI

In 1873, Horatio Spafford wrote the words to the hymn "It is Well with My Soul" after the tragic death of his four daughters. (He wrote it on the ocean while sailing near the
spot where his daughters died.)Very moving.

     If you have a few minutes now or later I HIGHLY recommend watching the video if you don't already know the story behind the hymn. Even if you do, it is a beautiful video and very touching. When I saw this I reflected on how that video had been placed in my path because God knew it was what I needed to hear. 

    All that to say that when I stumbled upon the sign that matched my room so perfectly with it is well with my soul on it I just KNEW I had to have it and I knew immediately what I was going to do with it. I have an 8x10 of Brent kissing Evan's little face that I am going to order to hang right below mine. We are finally healing to the point of being ready to see those pictures every day! Love seeing our sweet baby's face each time we walk by!

       There were several other pieces of framed art containing scripture that I HAD to get at Hobby Lobby earlier this week. I put them up yesterday also but I will share those later as I feel I've rambled on and on enough today. I hope everyone has a blessed weekend! We are going to be super busy with lots of things going on with Brent's family this weekend, a baby welcoming party for my friend Megan, and church tomorrow morning. Happy Birthday shout out to my sister in law Kendall and mother in law Jean! I hope you guys have a most fantastic day!! :)

Life after Evan on Earth

After lots of serious prayer I've decided to continue my blogging about life after Evan went to be with Jesus. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was walk away from my sweet baby on May 31 at Children's Hospital in Birmingham.  And to have to share the news of his passing with close friends and family was another difficult task making it seem all the more real. With that day came a flood of emotions-sadness but also a sense of peace. Peace in knowing that Evan was in the arms of Jesus and that Jesus was singing my sweet baby lullabies.  And a peace in knowing that my sweet baby was no longer in pain. His entire life outside the womb consisted of needles, tubes and laying in a hospital bed almost all day every day. This is not what I wanted for him. When I get really sad and my arms are aching for Evan I will do two things usually: First I remember how much he was hurting and that now his body is perfect and he is rejoicing with our Lord and then I remind myself that I was Evan's earthly mother but ultimately we are all God's children. Usually when I am feeling this way I will remember this verse: 

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Selfishly I wanted and still want Evan to be here on Earth with me but I know his body was never meant to dwell this Earth for long. He was a gift and blessing to us for a short time but oh the blessings and gifts that have continued to flow since he's left to be with our Lord. He was a gift from God in every sense. More so than I can even really fathom.  Brent and I have continued each day even though there have been days that we haven't wanted to continue at all. The first couple weeks were purely tortuous but we continued to rely on God, one another and our family and friends. For the most part the days have gotten easier but every now and then a day will come along and it will be like he just left us yesterday. Life has continued to be peaks and valleys. I've really tried to mentally think of all the good things that have happened because of Evan and his impact on this Earth through me and Brent. Most of the time that makes me feel so much better but there are definitely times that I would like to scream "But WHY me???" I've had so many people, some that I don't even personally know, reach out to me and share how Evan's life and story has improved their life. I'm so thankful that there are so many blessings that have flowed from our sharing our journey with Evan. 

        One of the things that I feel is meant to be a blessing from God via Evan is my testimony. I had the opportunity to share this testimony at Evan's funeral. The only reason I was able to stand up there that day was because Jesus was there with me holding me up. I have been given the opportunity and privilege to share my testimony on July 28 at Pine Level Baptist Church. I pray daily that this testimony can touch the lives of the people sitting in the pews of Pine Level on that morning.  In this way I know that Evan is living on and this was God's will for Evan's life. As well as for mine and Brent's. I continually prayed for God's will for Evan's life to be done even if it did not align with my desire to have Evan here on Earth with me. 
        It's hard to know what to do next. People will say "Well, at least you're young you can try again." And of course that's true but we have a lot of healing to do before we will be ready to walk that road again. I know that we will know when that time comes. For now we are enjoying signs we get from our Evan up in heaven. For example, on the day of his funeral after the  graveside portion of the service there was a gigantic beautiful rainbow. My aunt Teena came in and got me to show me and I distinctly remember looking at Brent with tears shining in both of our eyes and saying "He's ok. That's our sign from him that he's ok." Of course we knew he was ok but a visual reminder of this meant more than I can even express. Rainbows represent so much. God's promise to us and now we are reminded that our Evan is just fine each time we see a rainbow. This evening after walking in the park with friends I saw a rainbow and immediately took a picture of it and sent it to Brent. I really needed that rainbow today because yesterday marked what would have been Evan's four month birthday. Milestones like that are very hard for us but we rest assured knowing that they are part of us moving forward and our wounds being soothed. God has given us such strength though. Yesterday afternoon I went in Evan's room for the first time since coming home-for more than 30 seconds to put something up. I just felt ready to look at his things, ready to cry, and surprisingly ready to go through the stuff and decide what needed to be done with what. Although they are just material things some of them hold very much sentimental value to us. This was yet another step that is hard yet necessary to moving forward. God gave me such strength last night as He has all along. I continue to be in awe of Him holding me and always giving me the strength I need when I need it. Even when I don’t know when these moments are going to come along.

In the coming days I will share some mementos that have been made and given to us in Evan's memory. I can't wait to share photos of each one and write about what each has meant to us. Follow us on our journey of live after Evan on Earth. I cannot wait until the day that I get to hold my sweet baby again! What a glorious day it will be!  Meeting Jesus finally and being reunited with my sweet son!!! Until then we will continue to walk by faith and try our hardest every single day to be the spiritual warriors that we know Jesus wants us to be. Since we all know...

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Proof that we are doing alright, trusting in God's plan for our life and Evan's life as well  finally being able to have  smiles on our faces again....