I've been meaning for the past couple of months to write a post that features some memories of Evan and treasures that help us remember Evan (AS IF we could possibly forget...but you get my drift). Many friends have given us items that have been handmade or ordered in memory of our sweet Evan. For a while I didn't have the strength to really look at, much less share, these items. As our journey continues, and I become stronger, I am now ready to share some of those things and explain what each of them mean to us. I haven't found a place in our home for each and every thing yet but they are all in the nursery waiting for just the right place to put them.
First up.... our sweet Evan bear. After Evan passed away my friend Deanna kept asking me for one of his blankets, some outfits, maybe some socks and anything else I thought I might could part with. She assured me that I would get it back but that it needed be something that was special and that Evan actually wore or used. I finally gave her a few things not knowing what in the world was going to be done with these items. A few weeks later at bunco my friend Tracey handed me a bag and said "You don't have to open it now but this is for you." I didn't open it immediately but when dropping my mom off to her car I told her I wanted to open it before she got out. When I did this is what I found.
As you can see each section of the bear is made of a different fabric. The main body and part of the face of the bear is made with the fabric of two of the gowns that Evan wore A LOT! The arms and legs and the rest of the face are from a blanket that he was swaddled in very frequently. The ears are from mittens that he wore (to keep his little hands away from that tube). The elephant was from the blanket also. I love being able to cuddle this bear and remember my sweet Evan and reflect on the days that he spent in the gowns and blankets that this bear was made from. What a special memory. I can't thank Tracey enough....what a sweet thoughtful gift made in memory of Evan!
Gifts from Kim
Two of these signs were hand drawn/hand written by my friend Kim. The chalkboard one was at his baby shower at school. I just love seeing his full name and that scripture... Numbers 6:24 The Lord bless thee and keep thee. Kim made the comment once that after Evan's baby shower she had this at her house and every time she would see it she would say a prayer for our Evan. So this is VERY special to us. We also displayed it at the funeral along with the hand painted canvas with the cross. Around the edges Kim wrote the poem that we found around the time Evan passed away. I read it at his funeral and here it is again:
Daddy please don't look so sad, mommy please don't cry,
cause I am in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you and then he changed his mind.
You see I am a special child and I am needed up above.
I am a special gift you gave him, the product of your love.
I will always be there with you, just watch the sky at night,
find the brightest star that's gleaming and my that's halos bright light.
You will see me in the morning frost, that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze from the gentle wind that blows,
that's me, I'll be there, planting a kiss upon your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a little tug,
that's me, I'll be there, to give your heart a hug.
So daddy please don't look so sad. Mommy please don't cry,
I am in arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.♥
There is comfort in these words as it helps me imagine a picture of Evan in the arms of Jesus being sung lullabies. Is there a better place to be than in heaven in the arms of Jesus? Could I want anything more for my child?? No way! That's not saying it's easy for him to be there rather than here in my arms singing him lullabies myself BUT he's far better off in heaven with Jesus than he would here on Earth with me.
You also can see the ultrasound that Kim had made into the big picture. This was one of the few ultrasounds where Evan didn't have fluid in his belly and it looks like a "normal" ultrasound of his body. Rather than just his sweet face. I have this ultrasound picture on my refrigerator also. It reminds me that God allowed the doctors to heal Evan enough for us to get to experience precious moments with him outside of the womb. Without those interventions we possibly may not have been able to hold him in our arms and kiss his sweet face. And to have him grab our fingers and look into our eyes. All those things that parents dream about. God placed the doctors in our life that he worked through to give us that time with our sweet baby. It's hard to explain why this ultrasound picture is more special to me...but it was such a gift to see him this way!
Out to the side of these is a cross that was purchased to hang in the nursery. I never got around to hanging it (as I ended up in the hospital before it was done) but Kim took the cross and put that little "e" there along with a burlap bow. It's a sweet reminder of Evan.
On one of the walls in our hallway I'd like to make a collage of crosses. I plan to hang this cross there eventually. As for the other things you see in that picture, I'd like to hang them on a wall in the nursery when we are hopefully preparing it one day for another blessing from God. For now they are in the nursery and each time I see them, I smile. Usually I have tears in my eyes but I smile because it flashes a lot of memories of Evan through my mind and reminds me, once again, that he's better than fine-in heaven and in the arms of Jesus listening to lullabies.
Last one for the day....
While Evan was in the hospital Brent and I took hundreds of pictures. Usually we were taking pictures with our phones and sending them to grandparents, friends and other family. So many people wanted updates on him and we always wanted to show off his sweet face. Once a week or so I would break out my actual camera and take pictures of Evan. When he passed away my friend Deanna took my card from my camera and got some pictures printed off for us to display at the funeral. After all, it was a celebration of his life here on Earth and we wanted there to be happy tears also! When she brought the pictures to me she had made this canvas made. I love this picture because he is looking so intently at me. Probably thinking "Mama, what in the world are you doing in my face with that thing?" His hair is so fluffy in this picture and I just love looking at it. Again, this picture will be displayed in the nursery hopefully one day. Isn't he just the most beautiful baby ever? :)
We did go to the doctor this past Monday. Things went well. We will be going to genetic counseling in the next week. More news on that next week. Prayers for a positive appointment!! It's all in God's hands and we know his plans are so great! Our daily prayer is for God to make his will clear for that particular area of our life. We know his plans are great and we want to follow his will! I know that these doctor appointments are going to reveal his will to us! We are remembering ....
Last but not least.... Happy 29th birthday to my wonderful husband!! So glad that God made you just for me. He knew what I needed long before I did!!
Prayers for a blessed weekend for everyone. Being thankful for the rain! :)
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