Wow. The past few weeks have absolutely flown by. We've been so busy. I planned to spend the weekend resting up and preparing for the week ahead. I ended up dealing with someone buying my Explorer yesterday morning and then today spent the entire afternoon cleaning the house. And I broke out the fall decorations. I feel so much better with everything cleaned up. Huge kudos to my wonderful husband for helping get the house clean. He's definitely on board with helping out since we both work. full time jobs.
Brent has an endocrinologist appointment next Monday in Birmingham so we've decided to go to Atlanta on Friday afternoon and have a little getaway. We talked about going this weekend but decided it would make more sense to do it next weekend when we will be driving up to Birmingham anyway. We are both really looking forward to a little getaway. Life has been so busy during the week that our grief (or mine at least) kind of catches up with me during the weekend. It seems that my weekends, lately anyways, have just been kind of depressing. I think it's because in my mind I think about how I wish Evan were here with me (and healthy) doing whatever we are doing each weekend. He wouldn't be with me at work so it's not as painful when I am at work. I told Brent today that I feel like during the weekends I am constantly on the verge of tears. I need prayers for strength to get over this hump. I'm just struggling right now for some reason. I completely trust that the Lord has bigger plans for me but my heart aches for my sweet baby boy. Hopefully being gone next weekend will be a good little vacation for us and will give us a little healing. Yesterday was particularly hard after I ran to town to buy a few groceries and ended up seeing this at Winn Dixie....
It was odd because I very rarely go to Winn Dixie. It was the exact Mickey Mouse toy that Brent and I bought Evan while we were out and about in Birmingham one day. He absolutely loved it and would spend many hours staring at it. Oh how I miss those days of watching him watch that Mickey Mouse. We buried the Mickey Mouse with him because it was one of the only things I felt he showed that he really liked. Mickey Mouse is just very meaningful to us now. I know Evan is much better off now. He's with Jesus and in no pain. My head knows it but it doesn't take that hurt in my heart away. When I ran across this toy in Winn Dixie I immediately sent Brent a picture of it. We talked about how it makes us sad :( but how we know Evan is better. The rest of my afternoon was just kind of sad and my sadness continued into today. Please just pray for me to have a little less sadness in the days to come. And Brent also...he doesn't show it as openly as me always but I know he has just as much sadness as I do. Even though we pray that God will bless us with another sweet little baby one day...we are still just adjusting to life without the sweet baby that we thought we would be enjoying here on Earth. God sends me these little reminders of Evan through different things (Mickey, rainbows, etc) and I like to think it's to remind me that my baby is doing GREAT in Heaven.
I hung this picture right beside my prayer area because every day I need a reminder that I cannot get through this alone.....
This is one of the scriptures that Dr. Thorp would remind me of when we would pray for Evan. And I know that this is true. Some days are just a little tougher and I am doing all I can to trust in God and put one foot in front of the other.
I began selling Origami Owl (you can visit my site here). I decided to become an Independent Designer for many different reasons but one of the reasons was because I liked the idea of being able to design jewelry to reflect my personality and life. I stumbled across a picture of this locket the other day and I thought something like this would be so fitting for my future. We are keeping in mind that through this storm there will be a rainbow.
Before we have try to get pregnant and have another baby we are going to have pre-conception counseling. We will be going to the dr in the near future to start discussing what this journey will look like for us. We aren't ready to take that journey yet but we want to know what the road will be like. Well, just have somewhat of an idea. Please pray for us to follow God's will in this particular area of our life. It's a very scary path for us to think about traveling down. We pray every day for us to see God's will for growing our family CLEARLY.
I am off to bed..it's a late night for me. We are going to town tomorrow to run a few errands and then our week will begin. Have a blessed week!
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